Warcraft, the untold stories
by JP0503
Summary: A bunch of short stories about jokes me and my friends makes on warcraft.
1. Syndical break

A few short fanfic about every inside jokes me and my friends came up with about warcraft.

**Syndical break**

Warden Maiev Shadowsong made her way through the barrow prison with the ease anyone who had been working in the same place for ten thousand years should have. Once again, she would spend the day watching over the most dangerous prisoner known to the night elves, the sorcerer Illidan Stormrage.

Her eyes were getting a bit swollen, a hundred centuries of insomnia can do that, but she cared not, she would not relent from her task in any way, for enforcing night elf justice was her reason to live.

Arriving at the cage, she saw the same thing as she ever did since Illidan was locked up: A blind night elf with a high ponytail armed with twin warpblades. One of her watchers had once questioned the wisdom of not disarming Illidan before locking him up, referring to something called common sense (Maiev had this young elf executed, for questioning Illidan's state of captivity was an undeniable proof of her complicity with the traitor).

"Warden Shadowsong…" Illidan greeted her "Don't you ever take a day off?"

"AH! Nice try Illidan, I'm on to you, you've got your little evasion plan all figured out…but you can't go trough with it as long as I'm here…well though luck, I AM WATCHING YOU!" Maiev's eyes were twitching from paranoia, so much that her lieutenant, Naïsha, took a few steps back. Illidan himself seemed a little psyched out.

Naïsha cleared her throat loudly before addressing a thorny issue with her mistress: Lady Shadowsong, the other watchers and I have been talking and we believe you should take today off…"

"AHAH! Traitors, you want him to escape!"

"No Mistress, we just think you're overdoing it, you haven't slept and barely ate in 10000 years, Illidan as no way to leave his cage without outside help and you know you can trust us, your just victim of sleep depravation induced paranoia."

Maiev seemed ready to reply, probably with heated accusation of treachery, but the words seemed to have gotten to her.

"You're probably right…but I really can't leave him unwatched…" said Maiev.

"Don't worry, I've asked a keeper of the grove to watch over him while you take your first break in ten millennia, he'll do fine. Beside, it's not like anyone on the surface is stupid enough to come down here and free Illidan and since he can't escape on his own, it'll all be fine." Naïsha assured.

"You must be right…thanks you Naïsha, I guess I really need a break.

And thus, Maiev Shadowsong and Naïsha left the barrow prison for some rest…

"Few, I sure am glad she's gone, its bad enough being caged underground for eternity, having to listen to Maiev's ranting is just cruel…" Illidan sighed.

5 minutes later…

Tyrande and her sentinel party, though Malfurion had clearly worded out his disapproval (but as Tyrande had said: only Elune can forbid me anything), stormed the barrow prison, murdered the watchers, scorned at the warning that: "Your goddess too has condemn the one you seek to free..." (At this point, it is safe to assume that Tyrande is monstrously stupid, unbelievably thick headed or simply far, far too compassionate), made it to Illidan's prison and freed the guy.

5 more minutes later…

"Maiev, I insist that you rest a little more, 15 minutes can't catch back ten thousand years." Naïsha insisted.

"I know, I know, I'll just check out the prison, just to make sure he's…" Maeiv froze, her glowing eyes widened to double their sizes as she saw the cage destroyed and the betrayers gone…

Her left eye was twitching manically; she started to mumble, for she couldn't find words to express her rage at this point. Every watcher in sight had been murdered and Illidan was gone…in fifteen freaking minutes!

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!" Maeiv screamed.

A still breathing night elf guardian crawled up to her and explained that the high priestess of Elune had come personally and freed the traitor.

Maiev turned a face so twisted with rage it would make an orc back off toward her lieutenant: "_Beside, it's not like anyone on the surface is stupid enough to come down here and free Illidan_…" she repeated, clearly mad.

"Well…I would I know Tyrande was _that _stupid…why would she free Illidan anyway?" Naïsha defended herself.

The still living guardian, who would have probably lived, had either of the arguing nigh elves though of giving her medical attention, explained that Tyrande hoped for the treacherous sorcerer to help against the invasion of the burning legion.

"What, we're under attack by the burning legion! Why didn't anyone tell us?" said Naïsha in surprise.

"Never mind that, get the remaining watchers, we're hunting down Illidan." Maiev ordered.

"But Maiev, the demons…"

"Screw the demons; I said we're going after Illidan!" Maiev repeated.

"But…" Naïsha ultimately decided that it was no use trying to convince her mistress that defending their ancestral homeland against an army of demon was more important than recapturing a single night elf. She really couldn't understand this, how much harm could Illidan do anyway, its not like he was going to become a monstrously powerful half demon entity by absorbing the power of an ancient arcane artifact overnight, or that he would then recall to him the descendent of the highborn night elves to claim an piece of Sargeras body in order to rip the planet apart in the name of one of the demon lords…

Beside, even if Tyrande had been dumb enough to free him, she certainly would take the precaution of not letting him out of her sight, not giving him control over an army and not sending him in the most corrupted forest of kalimdor, even she was smarter than that.

And even if she indeed was that stupid, surely Malfurion knew better than to completely trust his brother.

Reassured by these though and with renewed faith in the night elves leader's competence, Naïsha followed Maiev to hunt down Illidan, should be easy enough…

(The moral of this story: Common sense is not a virtue of the night elves.)


	2. Welcome to the Horde!

**Welcome to the horde!**

This was a great day for young war Chief Thrall, with the city of Orgrimmar finally built; he could make officials the creation of the horde. Of course, he would include his own people, the orcs, but he also wanted to hold a little ceremony to officially accept his new allies as well as any other race who would want to be part of it.

Sitting on his throne, Thrall saw the leaders lined up and first in line was his good friend Cairn Bloodhoof of the taurens.

"Well young chief…you have saved my people from the centaurs, we fought side by side with you against the demons and we have grown to like and respect the way of your people. In the name of my whole race, I say the taurens would be honored to be part of the horde."

"Welcome to the horde!" Thrall exclaimed with a rather childish enthusiasm. He pointed Cairn a spot next to his throne and invited him to stand there while he received the others.

Next in line was Vol'jin of the darkspear trolls.

"Hello mon, me people tha jungle trolls woulda been killed by tha sea witch if orcs had not helped us. Me wanna ask ya for all trolls who came to Kalimdor with ya mon, can darkspear tribe join da horde?"

"Of course, welcome to the horde!" Thrall said in the same tone of an overexcited child making new friends. He waved at Vol'jin to stand right next to the huge tauren leader. The two of them eyed each other and Thrall for a while, both finding that this Thrall was very different from the one they had followed in wartime.

The next representative to enter the throne room was a little goblin, Gazlowe, the leader of the goblins who had helped build Orgrimmar.

"Hey big guy…hum, this is kind of awkward, you paid us to build this city and we did, but now we think there is still profit to be made so hum…can we like, stay in durotar?"

"Welcome to the horde!" beamed Thrall for the third time.

"Wait, I don't think you got my drift here, we're goblin, we don't do the whole war with the alliance, worship the spirit, strength and honor thing, we want to stay here because there is money to be made, not because we believe in your high ideology or we want to have you as leader…We just want to, you know, hang around, do trade, earn gold…" Gazlowe explained, trying to talk his way out of his hasty inclusion in the horde.

Thrall posed for a minute, as if considering what the goblin had just said.

"Welcome to the horde!" he finally concluded, greeting him to a spot next to Cairn and Vol'Jin.

The goblin seemed awestruck by the sheer incoherence of the war chief's reaction, he walked up next to the troll and the tauren and as soon as Thrall's head was turned away, he made a spinning motion with his finger near his head, indicating that he was severely putting the young orc's mental health in doubt. Cairn and Vol'Jin only eyed Thrall with worry; they too were starting to think the goblin's hypothesis was right.

It was only when the next candidate to the whole, join the horde party entered that the three newly nominated horde members really started to fear for Thrall's sanity, mainly because he didn't rip them to pieces on sight.

The hooded woman was clearly undead, though she obviously had once been elf and had red glowing eyes and pale skin. That Thrall let her come in without swift and vindictive Doomhammer induced destruction still passed, she did seem smarter than the average mindless undead, but what surprised the tauren, troll and goblin was that the leader of he horde greeted with the same foolish smile the towering Nathrezim dreadlord who walked right behind her.

"War chief Thrall, I am Sylvanas Windrunner, formerly leader of the high elves sentinels of Quel'Thalas, who murdered a good number of your people during the second war but that his not the point, the thing is, I died at the hand of the scourge and was raised as an undead. When the lich king's power diminished in the aftermath of the recent war, me and a few of my fellow undead were freed from the lich king's control and formed our personal undead faction, the forsaken. As leader of the forsaken, I've come to offer an alliance against the scourge…now I know the new scourge has nothing to do with the demon controlled one and that Durotar is clearly not at war with Arthas, in fact, the only demon you'll find controlling undeads these day is my butler here, Varimathras. Still, we were wondering if you would take a bunch of treacherous, back stabbing, spiritually dead, walking corpses led by a former alliance leader advised by one of the only still living dreadlord within your rank in order to wage war on a guy that's recently done absolutely nothing to you and might very well have the power to destroy your hard built nation if you mess with him." Sylvannas explained her point.

Thrall's brow frowned a little; he seemed to be in deep reflection, but the three spectators and the honor guards were expecting him to be barely containing his fury as such wicked and evil creatures would dare ask to be part of the noble and proud orcish horde. Anytime now, he would vanquish them both with his hammer and shamanistic powers…

"Welcome to the horde!" he finally explained in the same, now painfully cheerful tone.

Gazlowe's jaw dropped almost to the ground, Vol'Jin, who had been standing ready to attack when he saw his leader move dropped to the ground, failing to cope with Thrall overwhelming naivety and Cairn simply shook his massive head, having concluded that the young orc had clearly lost his mind.

And as he had done before, he invited Sylvannas and her demonic butler to join the rank of the other gathered leader. The goblin took a few small sidestep when the dreadlord came standing next to him.

And it wasn't over yet, it seemed there was another racial leader who wanted his people to joint the horde. The stranger came in, dressed in red and black with ears similar to Sylvannas and immediately started pleading his point. Cairn growled at the newcomer for him, unlike the others, reeked of corrupting arcane magic from head to toe.

"Great war chief, my people, the high elves who murders a countless number of orcs" he turned to Vol'Jin "and trolls during the second war were decimated, as Sylvannas already told you and the survivors have taken the name of blood elves. I am their leaders, Kael'Thas Sunstrider and was wondering if my people of arcane addicted, demon energy siphoning, power hungry elves, who by the way recently raided what was left of the orc homewolrd and kill/enslaved what was left of them there under the leadership of an half-demon half-night elf sorcerer assisted by hateful snake folks, the naga, could joint your horde…cause we sort of need allies and the alliance, for reason beyond my comprehension, will not take us back in." explained the blood elf prince.

There was going to be some carnage after all, it was common knowledge that arcane magic was what almost doomed the first horde and it was obvious that no one was foolish enough to do the same near fatal mistake twice, these arcane addicted psychos would not be in the horde, or so Cairn though…

"Welcome to the horde!" said Thrall at the end of Kael's speech.

At this point, Cairn realized that maybe, just maybe he had just made a big mistake, had he really enlisted his people to serve a guy who was stupid enough to take two of the most dangerous and treacherous faction of Azeroth in his nation? Looking at Vol'Jin, he saw that the old troll and the goblin were both thinking the same thing: "How the fuck did this moron ended up being the leader?"

(Morale of this story: Thrall his stupid and takes just about everyone who asks nicely in the horde, hell how did you think the undead and blood elves got in?)


	3. camping tactic

**Camping tactic**

Finally, after this seemingly endless trek trough Azjol-Nerub, Arthas and Anub'arak had reached the foot of the Icecrown glacier, on top of witch laid the frozen throne and their master, the lich king.

A new painful psychic order from Ner'zhul informed Arthas that the gathered blood elves and nagas led by Illidan were here to destroy the lich king on Kil'jaeden's order. He had to reach the frozen throne and free his master.

"Do you hear me Arthas, this is the end!" Illidan's voice rang out from the other side of the glacier.

"Illidan has mocked the scourge long enough. It's time we put the fear of death back into him." declared the death knight to his troops. "Now Anub'arak, how do we reach the frozen throne?"

"The entrance is sealed by four obelisks; the four must be activated in order for the door to open. Illidan's army has already gathered around two of them, we must drive them back and activate the four obelisks to open the door to the frozen throne, before Illidan does so of course." explained the crypt lord.

Upon hearing this, the undead army, probably assuming Arthas was about to order them to do so, attacked the nearby naga base, leveled it to the ground and started establishing a base camp of their own.

Arthas, who had still been pondering what Anub'arak had told him, suddenly realized his troops were getting a little overzealous and commanded them to cease all activity. The former nerubian king was taken aback by this descision: "But death knight, Illidan is even now activating an obelisk, if we don't move quickly he'll…"

"I've been thinking about this precisely, what will happen if Illidan activate all for obelisks?" asked Arthas.

"Well the door to the frozen throne will open!"

"Right and what will happen if I activate them all?"

"The door will also open…"

"Now tell me Anub'arak, why would I bother beating the crap out of Illidan, wasting valuable resources in gold, corpses and lumber thwarting Illidan's every attempt to do exactly what I need done?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow…"

"Come with me Anub'arak, and all of you as well, have faith, I shall lead you to victory with minimal loss…" Arthas said with a smirk, sending his undead mount toward the glacier.

Meanwhile, Illidan was done activating the first obelisk and ordering the nagas to form a defensive perimeter around it, so the undead wouldn't reclaim it.

"One down, three to go." He though.

After doing the same to the second obelisk, he turned to one of his naga lieutenant and asked about the scourge's resistance so far.

"Lady Vashj report that she as seen none of the walking dead and Prince Kael says he had a skirmish with a few ghouls, but nothing serious. Otherwise, the troops around the first obelisk say they were not attacked." explained the myrmidon.

"Haha! Arthas must realize that we overwhelm him in number and power, find the two other obelisks and guard them, the frozen throne will be open in no time!" Illidan ordered, please with what he perceived to be a winning battle.

After successfully activating the third obelisk and still not seeing any undead, Illidan started getting a little suspicious. He called the messenger again.

"My lord, we didn't want to bother you while you were activating the obelisk, but one of our patrols has gone missing. Prince Kael sent a detachment of blood elves to search for the undeads an hour ago and we had not heard of them since." he explained.

"How many blood elves are we talking about?" Illidan asked.

"About ten of them, mostly spell breakers."

"But otherwise you found no base camp, no blighted land, and no undead troops? There have been no attacks on our obelisk defense station?" Illidan wondered.

"Air reckons detected none of this, we found no trace of the missing elves, but seeing as we are fighting an army that feed and raise soldiers from the dead, that's to be expected."

"Arthas must be unable to raise a necropolis and just wandering around the glaciers looking for a flaw in our defenses with what little troops he has. Let the death knight fight his desperate guerrilla, we have one last obelisk to activate." the night elf concluded.

Finally Illidan succeeded in activating the fourth obelisk…not that this was particularly hard since, as Vashj and Kael confirmed, the glacier had been eerily silent during the activation of the last one. Anyway, all four obelisk having been activated by the demon hunter's power, the door to the frozen throne were now open, the lich king was now within reach.

"Vashj, Kael, get the troops ready to leave this frozen wasteland, I'll go deal with the lich king and be back in a few minutes." Illidan said.

"Are you sure you don't want us to accompany you?" Kael asked.

"Ner'zhul is a soul frozen in an ice prison, it's not like he can defend himself without his undead army, which clearly isn't here." Illidan assured.

Assuming the demon hunter should know what he was doing, the two lieutenants left him to prepare the nagas and blood elves for departure. Illidan made his way to the doorway at the base of the glacier, where the doors to the frozen throne were open. Kil'jaeden would be satisfied and would fulfill his promise, more magical power than Illidan could ever dream off. He had a shiver not at all due to the fact that he had been walking around bare chest in an artic mountain for more than an hour.

Upon arriving in sight of the doors, and still having not encountered a desperate undead assault, Illidan saw fit to voice his disappointment; hell he had hoped that Arthas would have at least tried to stop him: "Is that all Arthas, is that the power of the scourge, I told you it was the end, I didn't though it'd be enough to make you back off! Aren't you even going to show yourself and make a last stand for your precious lich king?"

From behind a spider statue that decorated the entrance to the glacier, Arthas appeared, on foot, meters away from the entrance and standing just between Illidan and the open doorway.

"Ah, Illidan, I guess I should be thanking you for having opened these doors, I dare say they were in the way. Oh, and while I'm at it, thank you also for slaying Tichondrius, he really was a thorn in our side." Arthas sneered.

"The fallen prince shows himself at last…" Illidan got his twin warglaives out "It seems you will make this last stand after all."

"Now tell me, why I would fight you, I mean, Ner'zhul is loosing his power by the minutes, I don't have time to deal with you. Beside, in case you didn't notice, I'm much closer to the door than you are."

"You hid here all along, letting me do all the dirty work so you could get to your master with no effort, clever I must say. But your pride will be your undoing Arthas, you shouldn't have waited here to gloat about your plan, I can run much faster than you, with only a few meter head starts, it's a race you'll loose. Not that I won't dice you up before going after Ner'zhul though." Illidan said with a sadistic grin.

"Whose pride will be whose undoing, demon hunter? You're the one who made the critical mistake here…" Arthas assured.

"And that would be?" Illidan asked as he charged the death knight.

Arthas slammed his foot on the ground.

"You came here alone…" he answered.

Anub'arak popped out of the snowy ground right between Illidan and Arthas, clicking his mandibles threateningly at the demon hunter. Eight other crypt fiends also climbed to the surface, surrounding Illidan. The night elves quickly surveyed his surrounding, clearly taken by surprise by the burrowing undeads.

"…Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with my master. Anub'arak, as thanks for his numerous service to the scourge, please let Illidan leave after I'm done up there. Oh, while I'm at it, Illidan, tell Kael his blood elves made fine addition to the army I sent to the coast to destroy your ships." Arthas declared before entering the icecrown glacier.

Illidan took a few seconds to let all that sink in…he had just been so damn screwed. He tried to fly up above the undead nerubian, but he immediately found himself ensnared by one of the crypt fiend's web. He tried to immolate himself, but for reason that defied any thinking creature's comprehension, nerubian web are fire resistant. He tried his full demon form, but still the webbing would not burst.

The words: "DAMN YOU ARTHAS!" rang trough the entire glacier.

Receiving a mental command from Arthas as soon as the death knight fused with the lich king, the crypt lord and his minions left Illidan and returned to their underground tunnels.

Illidan was soon joined by his two lieutenants who told him that their armies had suffered crippling lost when they were ambushed at the coast by the scourge. Illidan gruntingly opened a portal to the outlands and called retreat for the surviving troops.

Today still, Illidan sit in his throne in the extra planar fortress, replaying the entire battle in his head and refusing to believe how thoroughly Arthas had outsmarted him. Slowly driven insane by his own failure, all he could do was wait for Kil'jaedan to visit his warth upon him for it.

And meanwhile, on top of the icecrown glacier, a lonely armored figure sits on a throne of ice, gazing at the horizon, one arm on the armrest and the other on the hilt of his sword. Now the new, mightier lich king, one thing came to Arthas's mind.

"Man, this is boring…"

(Morale: If you could design your own plans in warcraft3 rather than follow those your (so damn smart) characters come up with, the game would be easier. ;)


	4. Group therapy

Doctor Rossa mindboggle, self titled "psycho-therapist extraordinaire" looked around the large room in which she had settled h

Doctor Rossa mindboggle, self titled "psycho-therapist extraordinaire" looked around the large room in which she had settled her office (she had needed an entire warehouse of the booty bay docks as some of her clients where quite imposing in size) and considered that this might not have been such a good idea.

Sure, Azeroth (and apparently Outland as well) was filled with people who had severe mental problems they needed to overcome and her crafty little goblin mind had seen this as the perfect opportunity. This was basic economy, you find something people need, you offer it to them for a price (a pretty high price if you're the first one providing said service) and you've got yourself instant profit.

But, as blasphemous as this though was to someone of her upbringing, maybe all the money in the world wasn't worth standing in a room with these four. Her first client where all extremely powerful people and, as of course would be expected for people requiring her counselling service, severely unbalanced individuals. Worse yet, they really didn't like each other.

Still, she had gotten this far, and she had already cashed in her astronomical fees, so she might as well get this group therapy started before her patients decided to kill one another. She climbed on the high stool that would put her on eye-to-eye level with them, adjusted the glasses on her pointed nose (she didn't need them, they just made her look more professional) and took out her clipboard.

"So! She said to the rest of the circle, Welcome to you all and thank you for coming. Now remember that you are all here because you have problems and you want to solve them. That gives you one thing in common and the point of this group session is, through dialogue regarding shared experiences, help each other overcome these problems." She really had no real therapy training but who cared, she had been paid already, and these guys were insane, they wouldn't notice.

"Who wants to start? Mister Sunstrider?" Rossa offered to the blood elf sitting across her.

The young elf rolled his eyes and reluctantly stood up: "Hi, I'm Kael'thas and I'm a magic addict."

Rossa gestured the three others and they all muttered "hi Kael" back at the bloof elf prince with not real care or conviction in their voice. The prince sank back in his chair, pouting at the hostility coming from the three others.

"Now Kael, I think we should start at the beginning…hum, can you talk to me about your childhood?" Rossa asked.

"Does he have to? I mean you really want to hear him whine, trust me, it's annoying" the night elf to Kael's right taunted.

"Now mister Stormrage, you'll get your chance to talk, for now just listen" Rossa scorned him before Kael could answer and probably start a shouting match…or a fight to the death.

"Look doc, there's very little to say about my childhood, I'm a prince, I lived the good life for my first centuries, you know, got interested in magic, I mean, back when it was safe and all because of the sunwell, didn't start out as an addiction, just more of a hobby, you know, was the first thing that got me out of Quel'thalas too, went to study with the Kirin Tor over at Dalaran" Kael explained.

"I hear human aren't careful about magic corruption like high elves were, maybe that's where it all started?" Rossa suggested.

"Nah, like I said, with the sunwell around, even far away, I was fine, but Dalaran is where I met this girl, Jaïna Proudmoore…she was great, I was quite found o her too…" the prince reminisced.

"Oh… painful break-up?" Rossa was just throwing random questions to give him the impression she was interested, although she was admittedly a sucker for gossips.

"Not so much a break-up, we never managed to get anything really serious going, you know, me being ten times her age and all was kind of awkward and she wanted to focus on her studies. 'Course that didn't keep her from hooking up with that bastard Arthas a few months later." Kael explained.

"And you resent this Arthas person for stealing the woman you love?" The fake doctor asked.

"Oh yeah, between that and marching legions of undeads over my homeland, murdering my father and defiling our beloved sunwell with the remains of a necromancer to raised him as a lich, all the while butchering a great number of my people, yeah…I guess you could say I resent him" Kael answered.

"Oh, it was THE Arthas then… that must make it even more frustrating, seeing as you can't get revenge because now he's kind of like a god and all…is that when you became addicted to magic?" Rossa asked.

"Well, yeah, me and every other blood elf, with no sunwell we were all craving magic, but we tried to fight it and help out the alliance, to, like you said, get revenge on the scourge." Kael explained.

"And then?"

"Alliance betrayed us, threw us in a dungeon until them had time to execute us, the Vashj and her nagas came along, told me to go to Outland with her to meet Illidan so he could solve our magic craving problems…and then…" Kaeel said bitterly.

"Here we go again…" the night elf sighted, he probably would have rolled his eyes if he had any.

"Then this asshole got my people hooked on fel magic!" Kael shouted, standing up and pointing Illidan Stormrage.

"Oh yeah sure, it's all my fault! You asked me if there was a solution, I offered you the only one I knew, I didn't force you to go along with it, but because my way wasn't the magical "we'll make it all good like it was before" it's my fault your people are so damn screwed up, right! It has nothing to do with you turning your back on me and making a deal with the FREAKING LORD OF THE LEGION!" Illidan shouted back, standing up to tower over the younger elf.

"Well after watching you screw over the brokens and knowing your history, trusting you seemed like a much more insane option. I mean, you failed to provide a cure for us, you dragged us into a battle we lost because you're the worse strategist ever on icecrown, then you brought us back to Outland to sit on our ass, calling you Lord Illidan, while we wait for Kil'jaedan to come over and punish you, and us, for your failure. Yeah, that would have been the sane thing to do." Kael snapped back.

"OK! That's enough!" Rossa shouted, sitting on the stool. She had to call them back to order before they wrecked her office. "You are not her to bicker among one another, you are here because legions of psychopaths wielding and wearing powerful magical items are invading your homes to pillage your valuables, all on the moral justification that you are insane. If you want me to prove them wrong, you need to calm down and help me find the root of your problems, Kael you've talked a lot, how about letting Illidan tell us about his past a little."

"I'll tell you about his past! He has this brother who's better than him at everything, there's this girl he likes but she likes his brother better because, as you might have noticed, he's an ass, so he betrays them to the legion, and then he changes his mind and betray the legion, but then he betrays them again and they lock him up for a few millennia, and then they free him, and they trust him again, and so he betrays them, swears fealty to the legion, again, betrays the legion, again, then makes a deal with the broken and myself in Outland and he, surprise surprise, betrays the broken! I mean shit, they don't call that guy the betrayer for nothing, and I'M insane for breaking the terms of my alliance with him." Kael shouted.

"You know, I think most people have a problem with you betraying me to THE LEGION!" Illidan replied "I'm sure those blood elves back in Azeroth were real happy to hear that their prince had sold his soul for power!"

"DA! Because tha elves back on azeroth are real saint ain't they?" the troll to Kael's left spat.

Rossa was really loosing control of her patients; she considered hiding under the stool.

"You elves came to our lands from overseas, kicked us out, killed us by tha hundred, team up with human and dwarves to do it too, and me, I was forced to get tha horde to give a hand, for all tha good that did, your _beloved _people still gotta hold of me, pluck out my eye and force me to chew on my own arm to get away! Poor little elves lost their sunwell, BOUH HOU!" Zul'jin screamed.

"You know, I always wondered about that, you're a troll, can't you people regrow lost body part?" Illidan asked.

"Don't you think I WOULD HAVE if it was the case?" Zul'jin growled.

"Ok…ok, just asking, I'm not the one you have a grudge against, remember?" Illidan said dismissively.

"Nah, that be tha horde! All these year I keep telling tha forest trolls we should honor our alliance with that horde, and what do the new warchief do, he takes in ma most hated enemies in his rank! I spit on the horde and its betrayal! We Amani will get even with the alliance, and the horde, and anyone else who defile our lands!" Zul'jin raged.

"Yeah, no offence…scratch that, do take offence, but you're an aging, one eyes, one armed troll with barely enough people to actually occupy all this territory you want back so much, you really think you're doing the smart thing by declaring war on…well, everyone?" Kael asked sarcastically.

"Says tha elf who sided with a night elf called THA BETRAYER only to change his mind and side with a demon known as THA DECEIVER!" Zul'jin replied.

"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Rossa screamed in her patented goblin voice amplifier (which fizzled out and cough on fire after this sentence). "I think I'm starting to see the pattern here…" she really wasn't but she had to calm them down somehow, if only out of self preservation.

"You see…all of you have had your trust abused too many times in that past…Kael, you trusted the Jaïna but she chose the other guy, you trusted the alliance but they turned on you, you trusted Vashj but she led you on a fools quest, but you still trusted Illidan but he didn't help your people…" she told Kael. The blood elf prince calmed down and sank back in his chair.

"And you Illidan, you loved that girl and your brother took her, than he said he trusted you but he banished you because you were trying to help, then the legion betrayed you, although you ight have seen that coming…and then you met someone who you felt a lot of kinship with, and you offered to help him, but you made a few mistakes, and he turned on you as well…" she told Illidan. The betrayer grunted and sat back down.

"And you Zul'jin, you were forcibly removed from your land and the only people who would help you, the only people you came to trust with the safety of your people, they turned their back on you as well…you see guys, all of you have been betrayed and deceived so many times you feel like you shouldn't opened up to anyone anymore, that any attempt to makes things better is doomed to fail because the whole world is against you and so you make bad decisions: you side with the worse crowd, like the legion, you go on a power trip an declare yourself king of your own world or you lash out at everyone in the world." She concluded.

The three looked at each other, considering Rossa's analysis, apparently being given a lot to think about.

"So hum…I'm sorry I had no solution to save your people Kael…I really tried you know…" Illidan said.

"I know, I'm sorry I was such a spoiled brat about it…and Zul'jin, I'm sorry my ancestors took your ancestral homeland, in retrospect, we really had no right to do that." Kael said.

"Bah…you know, we allied with tha horde and burned half your country, I guess we could call it even." The troll warlord said.

"Well, I think we made a lot of progress today, we all found what you did wrong and why, in our next session we'll try to find out how to make it right!" Rossa said cheerfully, thankful that she had managed to pull this off without dying.

"Hum…sure but…what about him?" Kael said, pointing the fourth patient.

"If he feels like talking in the next session, he's welcome to do so, but for today…" Rossa reminded him.

"No…I really think we should tackle this issue now, I mean he sort of declared war on us recently and I'd like to know why, I mean you got mean in a rare peaceful and understanding mood doc, honestly I had come here to murder you all, but now I'm sure if he'll just tell us why he's gone insane…" Illidan said.

"For the last time, I AM NOT INSANE!" the fourth screamed, his deep voice resonating in the warehouse.

"Hehe, look man I've been there, you have no idea how long I've screamed that behind bars to some psycho who wouldn't listen, but, seriously…" Illidan continued.

"I am not insane I tell you, I've never seen things more clearly, I used to be insane these last few millennia but I've recovered my sanity now!" the other insisted.

"Look, no offence, and I mean it this time if only because I fear you a lot more than the crippled troll here, but you declared war on every mortal spellcaster and are currently screwing over with the leylines of the world in a way that everyone keeps saying will cause a great cataclysm that will split the world's crust and open a vortice to the nether…look that is not sane behaviour." Kael insisted.

"I know what I'm doing, you stupid mortal just don't undersand everything at stake, I'm not crazy damnit, I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOT CRAZY!" the great blue dragon howled.

"Ok, ok, I think we are quite done here, mister Malygos, I think we should schedule special one on one séances you and me…" Rossa said, dismissing the three others who seemed more than happy to leave the presence of the raging aspect of magic.

"Doctor please, I'm not insane why can't you see that!" the dragon complained.

"Mister Sunstrider had a point Mister Malygos…you _are _threatening to blown up the world by your action, you did declare war on every mortal spellcaster in Azeroth and you have shown an adamant unwillingness to talk about it with anyone, including your sister who loves you dearly and recommended you for this treatment." Rossa reminded him, remembering herself that she had been quite surprised that one of her first customer was the queen of dragon kind Alexstraza herself.

"But Alex doesn't understand the stakes, she cares for the preservation of life on the short term but she doesn't understand magic like I do, she doesn't see that I'm acting for the best, just that there are a few casualties down the road. I'm not insane I tell you, I've never seen things more clearly, what I'm doing has to be done, why won't anybody see it!" Malygos pleaded.

"In my experience, when you act in a certain way, and everyone thinks you're crazy but you, chances are you're acting crazy." Rossa offered him, not mentioning that "her experience" was really the 10 minutes she had just spent talking with Kael, Illidan and Zul'jin.

Malygos got his reptilian head within inches of the little goblin, teeth bared, growling lowly and for a moment, Rossa Mindboggle though she would soon see the big sea of coin in goblin heaven.

"Goodbye, doctor." The great aspect of magic said, spreading his wings out and enveloping himself in a magical mist. A second alter, he was gone.

Rossa was left alone in her office, that warehouse large enough to house a dragon, and shrugged, she had just made a crap load of gold, she wasn't dead and there might be a small chance that she had actually helped those people, a good day all things considered.

Of course, it probably wouldn't matter because no one would ever believe them sane and would surely just keep trying to gut them for their stuff, but that was the way the world rolled, Rossa wasn't a hero, just an little goblin woman making a living in this crazy world and that was fine this way.

((Moral of the story: Blizzard listen to the players:

People complained that cool lore character were suddenly acting all evil and had to be killed by raids, their motivation: madness!

In wrath of the lich king, we get a cool lore character suddenly acting all evil and has to be killed by raids, his motivation: sanity!

They broke the pattern, yay!))


End file.
